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As another party looms this weekend, that I know I won’t be going to, I have to question why I don’t go out anymore?
I was probably called a ‘party girl’ before I had my family. I was in my 20’s, living in Auckland and working as a sales rep for a wine & spirits company. I loved my job and it came with some attractive perks- like the company car and credit card to wine and dine with my clients (who were fabulous bars and restaurants).

I think I said yes more than no, I loved people and probably had a bad case of FOMO . It wouldn’t be a surprise to go out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday AND probably after our Monday night run my bestie and I would have a wine too. I loved being out and about!
But things have changed. Surprisingly I can actually remember the last time I was out after the kids were asleep. It was 2 years ago. TWO YEARS AGO?! Who even am I now?!
Previous to this I remember being pregnant with Hunter and going to an event where a woman confessed that she and her husband hadn’t had a date in over 2 years. I got home and chuckled to my husband. That’ll never be us, I said smugly. Nothing like a little karma hey!?
So why?
Ok, well I think the main issue was a sleep-hating baby. Yes, this is absolutely how it started. Hunter relied on me, and me alone, to put him to bed and to re-settle him, which was often. Sometimes every 20mins.
Then there was the fact Hamish worked a lot of nights (well nights AND days). New businesses, that’s what you do right? It just seemed easier to knuckle down and do the evening parenting thing with Hunter myself while Hamish was working.
We don’t have a lot of family close (Hamish’s parents are often here but only for short bursts of 2-3 days at a time and at very short notice so hard to plan around this) and the majority of the friends we have made also have their own children, so they understandably have their own rather important commitments!
Then, when Hunter was 9 months old I became pregnant. With both pregnancies the first trimester hit me pretty hard. Nausea and tiredness the main culprits. So going out for a wine in high heels was as appealing as poking my eye out with said high heels.
As time went on it honestly became habit.
I just stayed at home.

Now I have a 1 year old (not sure how that happened but we had the party so it’s true) and a 2 1/2 year old. I feel like I should be having some of my own life now, so why am I so nervous? Am I scared I don’t know who I am anymore? What will I do with my hands if I’m not holding a baby? Will I turn every riveting conversation into sleep cycles and breastfeeding?
I know I am actually not alone and that there are others living this very same life, for various reasons. 

As happy as I am being at home I know I need to get out of this phase. So my lovely readers, I ask you “What made you feel comfortable leaving your wee ones with someone else?”