In the thick of our sleeplessness I shared an article on my personal Facebook page that author Emily Writes had written on the subject. I had read the article over and over again, days apart, and cried each time. I read it to my husband aloud and cried again. I thought that by posting it, I might just help someone else who was going through the immense struggle that our family was. That wasn’t really the case. I received a few private messages reaching out and sympathising. These were incredibly kind. But what I mainly received was well meaning advice and instructions on how to get my child to sleep. If you are reading this and remember commenting please don’t feel bad, I know that it didn’t come from a bad place and you were simply using your experiences or resources to try and help. But the thing about having a baby that is a terrible sleeper is that you’ve probably tried literally everything that you are comfortable doing to help them sleep. Because you’ve been awake so long you have done research every single day and night on the subject. You have read it all, tried it all. Sometimes, often, more than once.
You may have noticed that while I sometimes refer to our lack of sleep I have not written a blog post about it. I’ve tackled a few big meaty subjects but after the experience above I stopped talking about it. It felt safer that way. When people asked about it I just said “fine”, “better” or “the same”, and swiftly changed the subject. Or when it was so bad my eyes burned all day I would sometimes try and make a joke out of the situation, better to laugh than cry right?
It seemed easier just to try and cope alone, as a family, within the safety of our four walls.
I met someone briefly this week who I could tell was going through the very same struggle. Her daughter was 10 months old. It took a couple of confessions by me for her to open up how bad it really was. She felt like she couldn’t talk about it with other mothers because she was cosleeping, which is often frowned upon (but in my opinion the best way to get a little, even just ten minutes, more precious sleep). She didn’t know anyone else who was going through this and she could have used some resources. This is what has prompted my post today. While I’m still not quite ready to do a full blog on our early days, well, months (16 long months) I wanted to share a few of the places I found solace in some form or another.
Just in case anyone is wondering the sleep situation is remarkably better in our house now, and whilst still not ideal we can see light at the end of the tunnel.
Here are the people and places that helped me get through.
Literally everything and anything that Emily Writes printed was gold for me. This recent post struck a cord but her facebook page will have many more articles worth reading.
How to survive sleep deprivation by someone who is living it
She is a wealth of knowledge and I have been known to google my ‘problem’ on her website for advice.
Why Your Newborn Shouldn’t Sleep All Night
Arguably most well known for his book advocating co-sleeping. I respect this is not for everyone but more info in the article below if you are interested. “Try not to judge your infant’s sleep. Don’t confuse the perceived medical good of sleeping through the night with a “moral good” — the idea that “good babies” sleep through the night. The worst invention culturally for all parents was the notion of the “good baby.”
My Conversation With Co-Sleeping Expert James McKenna By Arianna Huffington
River in Slumber. Ironically I have a lot of fuzzy iPhone photos of my children asleep
If you are reading this and you are struggling please feel free to message me. It is not easy. You are doing well. I understand. And I am part of some amazing Facebook groups that have been amazing support too which I am happy to share with you.
xxx Jana
I don’t know if this will make you feel better, worse or just not alone. My 6 year old STILL wakes in the night, every night, still has to be touching me to settle. From birth to 2 years was a tearful blur of broken sleep and nothing helped, nothing worked. It was so bad, when I found out I was pregnant with number 3, I cried with fear it would all start again from scratch. We were lucky with her, she was a good sleeper from the get go which reinforced the fact that some children are just shit sleepers and nothing can be done except ride it out. Lovely blog post Jans, isn’t coffee glorious xx
YES YES YES Bex!! All of THIS!! Yup you are right it does indeed make me feel less alone. I hear you on the blur, I take a lot of photos but I actually wish I took more, so that I would jog my memory into remembering more. And oh did I cry when I found out I was pregnant, I was so so happy but so so scared. Hunger was still waking every hour and I just couldn’t see how it could possibly get better. But alas it did. Thank goodness right?! Are we living the same life haha? ALL THE COFFEE xxx
You’re one of the Kindest women I know and have the pleasure of knowing. Emily writes made me laugh so much and I will delve deeper into
Her stuff when I get to the sleep bit. My gut tells me to let the baby do what it’s doing as they have no rationale thought and I know when I’m. It rational I do all sorts of stuff that’s weird- why would a baby be any different. Xxxx
Oh Jane that is such a beautiful and kind thing to say! Ah but you my friend will not battle with the sleep, it cant hit 2 mothers in the same circle 😉 But yup you are so so right, just let them be, they are pretty good teachers those babies x